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| woofboy |
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http://www.hivpositivemen.com/blogs/woofboy
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| I'm a white male at this time I'm 39 years old living in Phila PA. I've been Poz since September 2003 and in 2006 I crossed the line and now am labeled AIDS. I would like to share with you my life experinces. I have a crazy and fun life and hope you find it enjoyable. |
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 Howdy Everyone,
I've been down recovering from throat surgery. Didn't think it would put me down this long. Since I've been resting most of the time since June 9th there really isn't much to report. Still single. Still living in South Philadelphia. Today I have 127 days clean and sober.
Getting ready to celebrate 4th of July. Was invited to a couple BBQ one in suburbs and other out in pottstown. Not sure if I'll be able to do both but will see.
Well going to keep this short since all i've really been doing is resting this past month. I have doctor check up on July 6th will hopefully have more to tell you then.
Peace out, Happy 4th of July, Your Pal woofboy
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 Hey guys sorry I haven't been around I've been sick haven't been getting my anitdepressants and i've been just messed up in the head.
INSURANCE SUCKS.
If the doctor writes you a script I can't see how they can object from paying for. I had to wait over 3 weeks for them to debate about a med he wanted me to take. But I've been back on now for a few days and feel much better.
Beside from trying my best not to kill myself or someone one else I managed to stay clean and sober through it all. I had my 90th day celebration yesterday. I know that might sound like very long but anyone who has tried to stop doing something they like you could understand.
I'm fixn to have surgery on June 9th to see if they can help my sleep Apena. Doctor said it's going to feel like I'll have a very sore throat for a couple weeks. Guess my friends will like since I won't be able to talk. LOL but I can still type so that's a good thing.
I have a job interview this Wednesday at the GLBT Community Center in Philadelphia. It's a part recptionist supervisor. I'm really excited about it. They already know me since I volunteer there. Don't know how many applicants they have but I'll leave it up to my higher power. I will have to work Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday.
My latest hiv number for april were 446 for the cd4 and undetectable. Well guess I'm going to go. Hope everyone is doing well.
Peace Out, woofboy
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 Howdy guys it's been awhile. I'm not in a very good place lately.Just going through a lot of growing pains since i've been out of rehab today is day 76 of a clean and sober life. I want to drink so bad. I'm just hating philadelphia. For a town of brothery love it's so fucking hard to get someone to meet you for a cup of coffee. WHAT THE FUCK. It's not like I'm asking you to marry me. I share with someone in my 12step fellowship, that I decide Phila sucks, I hate it here and people are fucked up. But I'm powerless over changing this fact and since I live here I need to just accept it for what it is and stop trying to change it.
I've been waiting to get my results from my last blood work for awhile now. I'll let everyone know once I hear if I ever hear. I got a hep C test done too since I was using IV drugs on my last run and who knows if they were clean. Also got my testorone tested.
Going to go check out a support group tomorrow on Self esteme/self worth. I don't know if it will help but it's worth a shot.
I'm thinking about going somewhere so if anyone want to give me a suggestion please do. I think I need sometime away from phila.
Well going to cut it short. I'll try to write something longer next time.
Peace out, woofboy
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Well it's sunday and it's the first warm weekend of the season were in the low 90's. I road my bike for the first time today up to center city phila for coffee. I am way out of shape wasn't sure if I was going to be able to make it. LOL I haven't done much exercising but walking since I got sick in Dec 2006. I guess the more I start to ride my bike maybe it will help me get a little bit better in shape.
I celebrated my 60 days clean and sober on Friday April 24. It feels like it's been forever but then again it's only been a 4 weeks since I've finished my time in rehab. I was asked to speak tonight at my CMA meeting this will be the first time I've ever spoke at a 12 step meeting. Don't know if I'm nervous yet. I've completed my first step last week and now working on my second step going to review it tomorrow with my sponsar if I feel comfrontable moving on with it.
I had an emotional week. I met this guy at a local coffee shop don't think we hit it off. I don't know why that upset me just a little sensitive this week. think it's also that i'm fighting with the insurance company again about my anti depressant meds.
I just had my blod drawn for my recent counts haven't heard anything back from my doctor yet. I'll put that in my next entry as soon as I hear something.
I'm working on this project with my therapist to make a box and put my negitive thoughts in them so I don't have to think about them anymore. I guess it's worth a try. Sounds kinda weird to me. but will see.
Well that's all for today hope everyoone is doing well. woofboy
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 well another day another day. Things have been at a stand still. It's been a week since I told my best friend we can't hang around for awhile since I need to work on my recover and self esteme stuff. It's been a very lonely week. I need to find things to fill up my time. Easier said than done. I have things to do just can't get motivated to do anything. I just lay in my bed day after day.
My therapist wants me to write a schedule of things I need to do daily and check them off as I do them but I have things to do for the first hour then after that I'm stuck.
I goto my 12 steps meetings and my therapy appointments but beyond that i'm lost for engery and inspriation. I don't know if there is something wrong with me or if I'm just lazy.
Well I'm not in a great frame of mind today so I'm going to cut it short. Hope everyone has a great weekend.
Peace Out your pal woofboy
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 Howdy everyone. Hope everyone is haveing a Happy Easter or Passover. If you're not religous hope your having a good day. Well goign to go see my HIV doctor tomorrow and get my blood work done will let you know my numbers once I get them back. Been changing my physic meds so not sure how it might be effecting my HIV.
I'm now 49 days totally sober and clean. I almost used today. I was temped by the very hot man. I don't know why I keep going to websites like Manhunt and Adam4Adam if I'm trying to stay clean. I know this but I just haven't surrender to not being able to go there. I keep thinking I could say NO if someone is doing drugs and they invite me over. Well today I was getting ready to go had the address and everything. But I thought and thoght about it, and instead of just standing the guy up I told him my issue and that I have a problem with crystal meth and I can't come over if he is high or using but would like to see when when he's not parting. I don't know if that's a good idea either but at least it let me out of my committment today. I get so angry about drugs now. Now that I have come to the knowledge and acceptance I'm an addict and because I crossed that line my life will never be the same. IT FUCKING FUCKING SUCKS. I have this fear right now every guy I meet is going to be a user. I know this isn't true but that's where I am today and with clean time I think those feeling will change and I'll be able to handle things differently.
My therapist wants me to write a daily schedule. I thought it wouldn't be so difficult but I know what I do when I get up and what I do right before I goto bed but there is like 8 hours that I just don't have things planned on a regular bases. So that's my goal now is to figure out how to fill up my day with more activies than the internet. I might look into taking a pottery class. Or a painting class I don't know. I just need to learn to be independent and do things alone. Talking about alone. I told the guy I've been hanging with almost everyday that I think our friendship needs a break since I'm trying to work on some self issues and having him there it makes it very hard to do anything besides hang with him. it's just as bad as me on the internet. I'm either with him or i'm on the net I have to stop doing both of them so much.
OK guys I could go on and on but think i'm going to end it here today. I wish you all good health.
Peace Out! your Pal, woofboy
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 Howdy It's the 5th of April where has this year gone? I hope this posting find you well. I'm doing ok. I feel like my anxiety is high but I don't know if it is or if it's that my ADHD is making feel this way. I see my regular doctor on Tuesday so maybe he can figure something out.
I went and got the results of my sleep study I was 2 points away for sever sleep apnea not sure if I spelled that correctly. I have an appointment with and ears nose and throat doctor on Monday. The Sleep doctor said to go and see her. If there something they may be able to do medically I might want that option. I've been using a cpap machine to help me breath when I sleep at night it helps fall asleep but when I wake up in the middle of the night I start to panic for some reason then have to take it off. Not all the time but every once in awhile. Doctor ask me if I like it. I said yes when it comes to breathing but when it comes to intimacy it gets in the way.
Not to much been going on in my little life. It's been 41 days
since I last use a drug or a drink. Last night was very hard. I get in there moods of being lonely and empty and I let me self get so close to using it's dangerous. I wonder if I really want to quit. I know I don't want the things that come with using. I asked someone to be my sponsor but I'm wondering if I really want to do it. It will make filling the emptiness as I grow in the steps so I'm just going to fake it till I can make it.
Still no luck on going on a date with anyone. I really need to figure out a way to meet people. I was told that I should bother looking for a boyfriend for at least a year maybe even two. I'm trying to accept that suggestion but I've been single since 2005. I don't try very hard but if it comes up not sure what I'll do. I'll turn it over to my higher power or at least I say that don't know if I really did.
I feel bad I haven;t called anyone from rehab yet I'm going to make it a point of it this week. I have to call at least one person.
My housing is suppose to start this month but don't know if it is I
called my contact but haven't heard back from him. going to call him again on Monday. I hope it goes through this month so I can save some money my friend Dave wants me to come down to Orlando in June. Maybe I should go for gay days. I'll ask him about that.
Well think I'm going to sign off for now. Hope to have a little bit more to share next time.
Peace OUT!
woofboy |
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 Howdy Y'all well it's the last day of March, what a month. Looking for the April showers to bring the May flowers. LOL I use to live outside of Los Angeles in a town called Rancho Cucamonga and it was so nice there there were flowers all year around they had a lot of wild flowers growing all over the place. It was a very calming experience.
Well let's talk recovery some. I've been clean now 36 days now. I'm feeling good. Having some issues about not drinking but I will get through it. It's not like I want to drink but I want to go hang out in a bar and visit people. But I was told this is not a healthy thing for someone in recovery to do especially new like me. Maybe after 5 years of being sober and clean I can think about it. The reason they suggest not going is the behaviors it could trigger. I had a conversation the other day with a bunch of guys about sex. Prior to my drug use I was a real pig a lot of sex in sex clubs, bath houses, parks, and many other places. I also had these behaviors while in my active addiction and I was wondering if I could go back to that life style. I made the decision with the advice of others that even though I wasn't using drugs then it was a behavior of acting out. Like a sexual addiction. I spent everyday thinking about sex and doing what ever I could to get the next one just like drugs. So now trying to be sober and clean I guess I answered that question that no I can't go back living that way. I don't think it means I can't get kinky with my partner but I can't go back to obsessing about sex all the time. I was thinking about going to a Love and sex anonymous group. I don't know if I'm ready for that. Let's get the drug addiction under control first. I started my Intensive Out patient program on Friday last week. I don't know how well I'm going to like it but right now I'm not part of a group I have to wait for room to be able to join a group so I go to an overflow group that we pick what we want to talk about. On Monday we had a big discussion about Pot and if it's addictive or not. We had two guys in there early 20's who said Pot is not addictive and there nothing wrong with smoking it. The one guy has a 18 month old daughter and says if she wants to smoke she can but it has to be with him. But on the same hand he's not smoking in front of her cause he knows it bad and would rather his daughter not smoke when she grows up. Both there are court ordered to be there so obviously they do have some kind of problem if there smoking pot is there cause to be in group.
I need to make an appointment to go see my HIV doctor think it's time for my 90 day check up. I need to keep better track of that. Maybe that's something we could suggest on here if they can add a calendar to our profile so we can track our check up and numbers. Well guys going to sign off for now. Hope everyone is well. Peace out, woofboy
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 Howdy everyone I'm sure you're wondering where I've been. I decided to check into a treatment center to help me with my drug addiction. I wasn't out using that much but it started to get worse I think so decided to nip it in the butt before it got to far. I was there for 27 days in Chester PA at a center called Keystone Center. I had some break throughs while in there. Got home monday afternoon yesterday. I got to share my life experince with the group didn't think I had much to talk about since I've only used drugs for a few years. We had a wide varitey of ages and drugs. Most of the younger people were into stealing drugs from there parents and the older folks were hook on herion. I was the only Crystal meth freak. We ever had some gamblers. I took a liken to one of the guys who came in the same day we got there but the longer we were there it seemed like he was falling into the wrong group. I wanted to protect him but I had to let him go. When he left he didn't even give me a contact number or eask for mine. He was straight anyway so fuck him. LOL I got home yesterday afternoon. I'm going through a lot of anxiety trying to decide if I should goto a 12 stepmeeting tonight with my friend scott he's getting on my nerves right now. But I still care about him. He's also trying to get clean but didn't goto rehab he's just trying to work the 12 step program. It's causing me a lot of issues cause I had a few advisors tell me I shouldn't spend to much time with him. Will see what happens. We never used together. But there is tension there but going to take it one day at a time see where it goes.
Besides that have't really been up to much trying to decide when to go camping or maybe a trip to the beach. would love to go out to Los Angeles. but not sure when or that migh happn.
While in rehab they put me on some adhd meds but not shure if there working they might need a stronger does also switched me to lexapro.
Need to make an appointment for my HIV doctor think it's time for blood work again. Well going to go for now I'll catch up with you folks later.
Peace Out. xoxo woofboy
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 Howdy Everyone,
Been awhile since I've been online. I checked myself into a Rehab hoping to get some help with my mental issues not so much my drug use but I feel they go hand in hand when I'm ok with myself the use of drug is not necassary. So I went in on 6 feb 09 left on 14 feb 09 I was there for 8 days and did see a therapist the whole time. I just didn't feel there program was for someone like me. They said I didn't give them enough time. From what I understand they do an assement for like 15 to 30 days then move you into another program which is a minimum of 90 days. I don't have that much time. I just wanted to do like 30 days intense therapy. I'm going to look into maybe an outpatient program. Going to meet with my case manager from Mazzoni Center on Friday. Meeting with my regular therapist tomorrow on Wednesday.
Besides that not to much didn't have a valentine to spend Valentine Day with but a friend told me you had your self and that's the best person cause you know what will make you happy and that it's ok to celebrate it that way. I never thought of that.
Well think i'm going to keep it short today there a lot in my head just can't get it out but hope to post some more later this week.
xoxo peace out, woofboy
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 Howdy guys,
Well it's the last day of the first month of the new year. What have happen to it. Alot has happen for me this month from my addiction being activated again. To working as a consultant for a few days. finding out my insurance is going to lapse since I didn't get my renewal in the mail.
To give you an update on my addiction issues. I've made a commitment to stop using again. I don't know if I'll stop for ever but just for today taking it on a day by day bases. I don't want to use in the future but I can't think about that right now have to concentrate on today since that is what I have right now. It's been 12 days since I last used which doesn't seem that long ago but on the other hand it feels like forever. I've been playing games with my conscience to make excuses to use. Thinking that I can use responsabily and I would stop once it got to be to much again. But if you're an addict we know that once you finally relize you're out of controll you've been out of control for a long time. So instead of playing that came I came to a reality that I can't live that way. This is a hard decision to make since I've been having fun and meeting some new folks but I can't let my diaseas fool me that way.
Going to have a sleep study done this coming up week to see if I'm breathing when I sleep. I don't think I've been breathing properly since I've been sleeping alot and waking up very dry and hard to breath. My friend Scott says I snore really load. I was at dentist yesterday and they always want you to breath through you nose. I can do that if I'm sitting up but 95% of the time I breath through my nose so after the sleep study going to go see an ears nose and throat doctor to see if there is anything they can do to help me breath. The sleep doctor said I have a very small area to breath from in the back of my mouth. Will update you more once I find out what's going on.
Think I was talking about dates I was going on last time I updated my blog. Well they all stood me up. I'm so frusttated with the dating crap. I need an arrange marriage. LOL. Don't think that will work either. I just want someone to share time with. But it is what it is.
Well think that's all I have to share today. Not to much going on. Just trying to stay warm it's been freezing here in Philadelphia well at least that's the way I feel. I know it can get much colder just go north and see. I want to go visit canada but just know it's probably twice of cold there.
Peace out my friends, woofboy
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 Howdy Y'all It's monday again. Got up early and headed to my ears nose and throat doctor for my inatial visit, and got turned awayed. They say they rather wait to I've completed my sleep study. So my new appointment isn't till March 5th. I might get to move it up if I can get a copy of my report before March 3rd when I'm suppose to do my follow up with the doctor.
Well I told you guys I was going to have a few dates last time we talked. Well they all blew me off. I'm not having much luck with the dating scene. I did goto Newark, DE for a date this past saturday. I thought the guy was cool at first but then found out he smokes and he smokes a lot not sure I can be in a relationship with a smoker. lite smoking is cool but smokign ever 10 minutes and smoking in bed I think is to much for me. Also as the night got on it just got worse. He's a great guy would like to be friends but just don't think we can make it as anything more.
I'm sitting here at starbucks fix'n to go to my support group. After that I'll come back to starbucks till my next appointment at 6 that's my art therapy group looking forward to that. It's suppose to get bad here tomorrow night I thought it was tonight but I think it's tuesday into wednesday this looks like it will be our first big storm were suppose to get a couple inches of snow then ice then rain. so whoknow how long it will stay around but wednesday morning it's going to be bad. If everything happens like they say I think everything going to shut down on wednesday.
I'm suppose to go to dinner tonight with my friend Scott he came over friday and shared his concern with my drug use. It kind of made me upset cause I don't feel my drug use is an issue I've only been using one day every other week or third week. I know the risk and I know I have to be careful but I really feel he's over reacting. I'm ok if we stop being friends because of this it's no big deal to me. I'm an adult and I can take care of myself. But I'm glad he shared his opion sometime we do need others to point out things we might not see ourself.
Well guess I'm going to sign off for now need to head to my appointment at 2:30. Hope everyone is keeping warm and I'll chat with you all soon.
Peace out, woofboy
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 Howdy guys well it's a new day with a new president. Let's hope that we can do something with this country. I'm excited but I'm also nervous.
I'm sitting in Starbucks waiting to goto my HIV support group tonight. Not sure what we're going to talk about tonight. I just started to go back. I was in a leadership meeting since Sept. I was there last week. I kinda wonder at time why am I going to these meeting. I feel I go just to be there for someone that might need a friend. I don't get a lot out of this group but feel I need to be there just in case someone needs help. I was cool when I got hiv. I knew the way I played what the risk was. I kinda get frustrated when people get upset about getting HIV we all know how not to get it and if you don't use those precations what do you expect.
Well I have a few guys I'm talking to right now that might end up dating. One lives in NYC and the other in NJ. I'm hoping to meet the one Wednesday night were suppose to get together and hang out. The other I might go see this weekend. The one in NYC is hiv poz the other isn't. I don't know how I feel about that. I say it doesn't matter but I know some neg guys always have that fear in the back of there head. The stigma still out there about HIV folks is still strong. I try to do my part to break that down but what can one person do.
Just to let you know where I am with my recovery from sustance abuse is not very good. I'm still using on the weekend, and feel I'm doing ok with it. I still want to stop cause I know it can fuck things up fast. I need to make some changes and stick with them. That's the hard part. I want to just find a man and settle down and do away with that lifestyle. But her roots are still deep in my soul. It's hard to get them out all the way. Just when you think you got them all she springs up again. I know for those of you who don't have addiction it's hard to understand.
Well guess I'm going to sign off for now will give you an update on my dating and stuff next time.
Peace out, woofboy
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 Howdy Y'all hope things are going well for everyone. I don't know if I got this stomach virus that's going around or food poisoning but this past weekend well actually friday night it got me, was up all night dealing with that. I feel better now thats it's monday and made it a few days without any attacks if you know what I mean... I know TFS ( thanks for sharing).
Well to follow up with my road of recovery this week as been pretty good went to my meeting today talked to my therapist briefly afterward about maybe going to a rehab. Not sure if that's an option. I don't think I have insurance right now so that might make it more difficult to get into one too. My insurance has to be renewed each year and I didn't get the letter due to me moving and now I think it's lapsed and playing phone tag with the public service person is almost impossiable. guess I[m going to have to call her ever hour until she anwswer I just don't like to be like that. If I end up going to rehab then I won't be here for a few weeks to update but will post if that's the case. Hope to know by wednesday night what my options are.
Well looks like next week is the big week with the new president. I don't know what to think. I have a fear that this president isn't going to be what people expect. I just have a great fear I see mass destruction in our country. I know people ask me to explain this but I just can't it's just something I feel. I pray to my higher power that these feels are wrong but all I can do is sit back and wait and do whatever I can to make this country be a better place. I heard someone say that we won the election but the just just begun. I've already seen people back to there old ways. The work just started what are you and I going to do to keep this movement going. We can't just sit down now and watch we need to keep things moving.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about relationships this past weekend inbetween trips to rest room. I long to have someone to share time and grow with but part of me thinks is that really what I need or just want. I'm not very happy with myself and by having someone in my life will make it easier to forget about myself. I've been working on things and think I'm finally growing but just not sure what I want to do. I'm very frustrated with myself. I just don't understand why. I've dealt with sucide for a long time. and I really dont see me making it another 5 years. I know this is stupid talk but I just don't understand sometimes what my purpose is. I know that some people go through there whole life like that. I know I'm the only one who can change those feeling about myself. Which I'm trying to do. I just try to make it one day at a time and try to do the next right thing.
Well guess I should wrap it up for today need to get ready to go to art therapy. It's really neat what you can learn from the different projects we've worked on.
Well until next time, peace out, woofboy
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 Howdy Guys welcome to 2009. I have some good news and bad news. Let's start with the good news. Got my latest number from my my blood work my t cells jump over 100 points from last test. I'm now at 522 and my viral load is still undetectable.
Now the bad news... I relasped this weekend with my crystal meth addiction. I picked up on Friday and used all weekend. I went to my therapist today and talked about this. I'm really frustrated. It's like I know where it will take me which isn't a good place but I still want to try it one more time. I know that's a life of an addict. I think I learned a lot from this weekend I'm very disappointed with the amount about time and engery I wasted. Not to count that money. Those of you out there that are questioning about drugs please don't ever pick up meth. It will hunt you the rest of your life.
If anyone wantes to talk about please feel fee to contact me via email.
I'm looking forward to telling your my progress over the next year and hope I can help anyone else out that might need to talk.
peace woofboy
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 Well it's the end of 2008. Don't want to get all mushy and stuff. But we know that might happen.OK think I'm going to get real personal here so beware... LOL I want to thank everyone that has been reading my blog. Not really sure how I compare to others but it is what it is.
Just wanted to start out I might be repeating some things so bare with me. I'm a crystal meth addict trying to live in recovery. Account weeks ago I used again. I went to rehab back in Sept 2006 and have only use 2 days out of all this time so over all I think I'm doing great in my quest to stop using. But what my issue is now since I've done it twice in the past 26 months maybe I can do it every now and then. But this puts a lot of anxiety on me. So what my game plan is, is to stay sober as long has I can because everyone I know who is not using says it's not worth the gamble. Also having HIV/AIDS it's not worth losing my health over something like that.
I'm still singe this is the fourth new year I won't have someone to kiss at midnight. It's kind of discouraging but I have hope that this year things will change by the time 2010 gets here. I have a few folks I'm talking to but not sure if there being honest with me or just chocking my chain. That is one thing I hate about the Internet it opens up the pool to meeting folks but I'm begging to feel most folks are out there just to get an ego fuck at someone else expense. So I'm working on trying to be more assertive and guarded with folks. I'm a very open and honest person and believe what people tell me and it fucks up my head pretty bad with some of the games these folks play. But you think I should learn by now since I'm 38 that I should be able to tell these things, but I guess it's just the hope and trust I have in people that gets me burnt over and over.
Talking about age... I was speaking with my therapist the other day and I kinda came to the realization that I've been on this planet for 38 years but my mentality is that of a teenager in my daily living. It's hard to explain and don't want guys to get the wrong idea on here so not going to write a lot about it but it's just something I notice from speaking to him the other day on some of the issues I have with my social anxiety disorder.
I had a horrible Christmas this year me and my best friend had a fallen out and not sure where to go with that. I had 3 major panic attacks. Never had them so bad before. But I made it through.
O don't know if I mention before I got a new kitten like 3 weeks ago. Her name is Monster and she and the other cat are finally get along better. Day by day it's neat to see the progress. The little one tries to play with big one but when she plays back the little one still gets frighten soon I think the little one will be strong enough then watch out. I'll try to take a photo of the two of them together and get on here soon.
Well guys I think it's time to get off the soap box see it wasn't that painful, again I really want to thank you for taking the time to learn about me. There is so much more about me I don't write on here so in the next year I'm going to try to be more open with everything and let you know what's up.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
Peace Out,
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 Howdy Y'all well just to follow up the date I thought I was going to have this past Saturday fell through. At least he message me and not just blew me off. I don't know what to do about men. I guess that's something we all ask yourself whenever were dating.
I'm over my buddy Scott's house he's letting me use his washer and dryer. I'm having my washer put in on Tuesday, but I still don't have a dryer. So I'm trying to find one so I can start to do it all at home. Looking forward to it. I hate going to Laundry Matt.
Nothing else is really going on this week. Have a day full appointments tomorrow. Have my recovery support group at 2:30 then have my one on one with my Therapist at 4 and then at 6 I have my art therapy group. I think I'm going to stop going to my recovery support group. I'm having a lot of debate with myself if I really need that group. I had a problem in the past with crystal meth but think I'm beyond that now. I know I'm welcome to go back to the group if I feel I need it. But I think I'm ready to leave the nest.
Well think the dryer is finished so going to go run and do my next load I'll talk with you all soon. Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas if I don't write before then. xoxoxo
Peace Out!
Your Pal,
woofboy
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 Well these days are flying by only 12 more days left to the new year. What am I going to do next year.... that is a hard question. I hope to find a boyfriend would be nice. Hint hint any single guys out there. I know I really need to work on personal things and I think this next year is going to hold a lot of changes.
The photo is of my new kitten will have her 2 weeks as of tomorrow. She's a mess I decided to name her Monster. should of named her master since it looks like she's wearing a leather mask. LOL.
I still haven't gotten my latest numbers back from my doctor had blood drawn a couple weeks ago. I'm sure there fine since I haven't heard from him. I'm hoping I break 400 in my cd4 since I've tested poz for HIV my cd4s have never been over 400.
I finished my leadership course called effective dialog. It was a 13 week course. Learned a lot about self awareness and how people think. Now I just have to reflect and see how I can use this in my daily life. I don't really see how I can but it's probably one of those things you learn and you change and don't realize it till you use it. You get the A-ha moment.
Hope you all have a good holiday I hope to do another blog before then but just in case. As of right now not sure what I'm doing. Was asked to come to dinner last night to my friend Sal's place but there going to be like 12 other folks there that I don't know and my shyness says don't go. I'm going to try my best to go. I haven't been invited to do anything else. I was thinking I would have someone to bring in the new year with but all the guys I've been hoping to connect with haven't come through yet. I might be meeting a guy name Ken tomorrow but haven't heard back from him yet so I'm assume since it's 4:18 pm on Friday that he isn't coming. Will give you an update once I hear something.
Well guess I'll go for now have a good friend.
Peace out,
your Pal,
woofboy
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 Howdy guys not sure what I want to talk about today. I had sex yesterday it's been 9 months. I've been single for May 2005. It sucks being single durning the holidays I like to celebrate but can't do it alone.
Got a bicycle today so now I can ride around town instead of being stuck on a bus or subway. Can't go everywhere on a bike but it will save me some money and when the spring comes I'll be doing it alot more.
Well I'm not going to make this long not really in mood to blog tonight but it's been awhile since I blogged.
have a good week,
Peace Out,
woofboy
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It's Monday Dec 8, 2008 and it's freaking cold in phila, PA today's high was suppose to be 35 think it only made it to 26. Guess winter is here. I don't know what it has in store for us this year I hear so many stories. I already got my flu shot and since it's my 5 years anniversary living with HIV I had to get my phenomena shot. Last week had my blood drawn to get my latest number haven't heard back from the doctor yet to get the update. I'm hoping for good news. Last time which was like 4 months ago I was at 395 would be nice to be over 400. I take my meds like I'm suppose to but that's about all I do if anyone can share some advice to me and the reader or maybe certain things you do to boost your immune system let us know.
I'm finishing up on this leadership class I've been taking for the last 12 weeks it's a class on effective dialog. I'm now trying to decide where I should look to do my internship. I have a chance to work with a glbt recovery group or might work on a mural program. Not really sure where I'm going to go. Going to take to one of my adviser tomorrow to see what he thinks.
I don't recall if I shared this already but I'm a recovering crystal meth addict. I've been clean now since April 4th 2008. I devote most of my time working on my recovery and helping other in there journey. I didn't start to use drugs till I was in my 30's and was dragged under rather quickly. I was living in Dallas, TX lost everything I had and moved back to Philadelphia, PA that's where I grew up. I don't want to go into to much about it right now but if you are out there struggling and need someone to talk to here I'm here to listen. I know holiday time is hard for a lot of use and if you're new to recovery I know from my experience it's just an added thing on the list of things to deal with. So please stay strong and reach out for help if you need it.
I'm fix'n to go to NYC this weekend looking forward to that hopefully will have some photos to share with y'all.
I got a new kitten this weekend still trying to figure out a name for her. She is black and white my one friend suggested Oreo think that's what I'm going to go with it's cute.
well think this is my check in for now until next time.
Peace Out.
Your Pal
woofboy
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 Hey everyone it's Dec 2, 2008 yesterday was World AIDS Day. I've been reading today that some people feel the world is spending to much money or AIDS research and treatment. This kinda pisses me off. How can you put a price on someone life. I know there are other dieses and such out there and that have been around longer than HIV/AIDS but I feel HIV is more deadly than those other cause I guess i'm venting cause I really don't know much but all I hear are cutback after cutback after cutback so if there cutting money from research and such where are they spending it? Ok get off my soap box.
I made it through the Thanksgiven holiday and not have the anxiety of christman and new years. Theses are the hardest time for me I feel very lonely this will be my 3rd christmas alone. My social anxiety doesn't help think that feeds on the depression this time of the year. I did go out shopping on Black Friday with my friend Scott. It was his first time experincing black friday madness. He's 52 and never got up early to go out shopping. It was hard to get him up but I promised him starbucks so he did. We went to a bunch of places. It was funny we were in Target and they have the kid's toy and adult toys (electronics) next to each other. We went over there to look but it was so crowded we went to look at other parts of the store. If you didn't see the other side of the store you would think there was no one there it was empty.
I'm trying to decide if I should invest in a Wii I think it would be fun for the first few weeks but then I'm sure it will end up a dust collector like all other things I bought.
Hey if anyone can give me any advice I'm going through a time where I just moved into my current place of residence and having a hard time taking things out of boxes. I feel like what is the purpose I'm not going to have anyone in my house cause I'm pretty embarrassed about where I live. Don't get my wrong my house is nice but the neighborhood is very run down on my street. I try to plan on working on emptying boxes but then just get over come with anxiety that I just say I'll do it another time. So if you have any suggestions please share.
I'm starting to look for a place to do an internship. I've been taking a leadership class through the dept of behavior health and I have a couple more weeks left of class then they want us to do an internship some where to use what we learned. In Phila we have a mural program so I might try to get on a committee to help pick and complete a mural. I have to contact them still but I think that would be an assume thing cause the mural are on side of buildings. It's kinda funny the city is fighting blithe but it's ok to paint mural on side of buildings. I guess there a different in art and blithe. To me there the same thing. Just one is prettier to look at. Like a butterfly and cockroach. You can easily step on a cockroach but you would never do that to a butterfly even though there both insects. OK I'm on that soap box again. This time I'll get off and sign off for this entry. Remember to stay strong and that if no told you they loved you to let me be the first. Love you guys.
Peace out!
woofboy
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 Morning everyone... it's 3:30am and this is a second night in a row that I'm having issues sleeping. Sometime people say it might be a side effect from my HIV meds that's why I have to take them in the morning. But even still at times I still have issues with sleeping. I think it's more to deal with stress and anxiety that I cause myself. I visit my therapist on Wednesdays and we've been talking a lot about my behaviors and how can I turn all the negative things I feel about life into positive ones. So here I sit woke up a little after 3am and started to process which is the nail in the coffin if I think I'm going to get back to sleep. Last night was the same thing I think I did dose off for about 45 minutes to be awoken by the homeless people arguing out side of my house. They are living in an abandon home across the street from me. I can call the cops but I'm told they won't do anything to get rid of them.
Well it is now 3:35 am on Nov 27, 2008 and it is Thanksgiving morning. As of right now I don't have anyone to celebrate the holiday with. I might be volunteering at the Phila Eagles football game tonight. The Phila GLBTQ community center runs a concession stand at the football game and a portion of the sales is donated to the community Center. It's a great program that the stadium offers. It also save them money so they don't have to hire that many more employees since the whole booth is volunteers. One of the other benefits we can eat any of the stadium food for free.
I went to my medical doctor also today 11/26/08 I go to an organization called the Mazzoni Center. It's a GLBTQ non profit. I get my casemanagment, counseling, therapy, and medical all through them. They've been a great help through this transition of moving back to Philadelphia. Back to my medical doctor his name is Dr. Winn. he's a great guy when I was in the hospital 2 years ago he came almost everyday to see me. Along with the other 5 doctors that were treating me. We talked about my snoring. I've had a couple friends tell me that it's out of control. But my doctor said snoring is ok as long as you don't stop breathing. So were going to go and do a sleep study to see if that might be the case. I wonder sometimes if that's the reason I can't sleep also. If I sleep without snoring do I get a better quality of sleep so I don't need as much or if it's just my head justifying why I can't sleep.
If you haven't notice yet I'm not the best spelling and I haven't been able to find the spell check on this program. Also trying to learn how to add photos and things. If anyone can give me any suggestions that would be great. I know this is only my second post but if you have any questions for me please let me know and I'll do my best to answer them. Well hope you all have/had a great Thanksgiving. Until next time peace out..... WOOF!
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Welcome to the page of woofboy. I'm new at this so I hope you will read and grow with me in things I care to post. I'm a man who developed HIV in Sept 2003 and have been diagnosed with full blown AIDS since Dec 2006. I got HIV from a former partner when I was living in Dallas, TX. I was 33 years old at the time and I guess I thought I was one of these "superhuman" that was immune from this virus. But I got a wake up call when September came back in 2003. I started meds right away and was undetectable within a few months. I'm also a person in recovery from mental illness and drug abuse. I was a crystal meth addict and I suffer from social anxiety disorder and depression. I went to rehab on Sept 28th, 2006. My clean date is April 4th due to a one night stand with my drug. It's a daily struggle and i'm sure I'll share alot about this since this is really the main focus in my life. I assume my drug use is the cause of me developing AIDS so quickly. I had a virus called CMV attack my colon and intestins. I was in hospital for two weeks. I don't know if I was going to make it I was down to 110 pounds from 180 just 30 days earlier. Well that's a quick history of my HIV life I will share a little bit more about where i'm from and where I've been in the future.
Today I live in South Philadelphia, PA I live with my Cat her name is Tabitha she's about 1 year old. She's realy sweet. I'll have to post some photos of her on here for you. I'm thinking about getting her a buddy. I would like to get a little dog but just don't think I could handle that responsability right now. At least with a cat they are happy by themselves but with a dog you know they need that connection. When I was living in Dallas, I had 3 dogs and 3 cats and 3 frogs. My dogs were all female and my cats were all male. Unfornatly when i came back to PA I had no way to bring my animals with me. They stayed with my ex who gave my dog and cat to our friends in Ponca city. My dogs name was Sandy and the cat was Quazar. We called him Q for short. Sandy reminds me of Dorie from "finding nemo". why i say my dog and cat is that we (my ex and I) had our own pets when we met then we got two more while we were together.
This week I've had an unexpected vistor his name is Jonathan he's traveling up the east coast and i spoke to him on a website I belong to and offer him my home to stay at on his travel. He's spending 5 days with me. He's a great guy and he's traved to a lot of places he's been sharing his photos with me and telling me stories about his travels. Looking forward to our friendship grow. It's kinda weird he's from Dallas, TX also but we don't know if we ever saw each other when I lived there.
Well think i'm going to sign off for now. Looking foward to getting to know you all.
woofboy
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