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 I was diagnosed with HIV in November 1985. I knew something was wrong because I was sick for so long. It all started in June, when I thought I had the flu. I went to my family doctor, and he said that I had "mono." As time went on, I got sicker...kept losing weight, sweats, no appetite, swollen glands, you name it, I had it! I finally went to a friend's (I'll call her "Mrs. B"') doctor and was diagnosed as being positive. Because my glands were extremely swollen, the doctor thought I may also have Hodgkins. He scheduled a biopsi for January.
I just knew I was going to die. During my life I had many "challeges" and each time, I was close to death. I thought being poz was a curse given by God for the wild life I led.
I went through all of the holidays alone. The only friend that knew what I was going through was "Mrs. B". I refused to tell my Mom, because I didn't want to worry or hurt her one more time. It was after New Year's, while I was at my Mom's, when she asked if I had AIDS. I said no but, I was positive and the doctor also thought I might have Hodgkins. I could see the worry in her face. But, she took me for the biopsi. The results were negative!
I had to stay at her home for about a week because I had draining tubes in my groin. Once again I was unable to take care of myself. She was an angel. Always there for me. Once I recuperated, I went back home, realizing that she stood by me, when no one else would.
I began telling my friends one by one of my condition. They expressed their concerns and offered their help. I felt so releived thinking I had a support group. But, little by little, they were busy, or wouldn't return any of my calls. The only friend that stayed with me was "Mrs.B".
I had an awful time dealing with this nightmare. I wondered why God was doing this too me. Didn't I go through enough illnesses. My faith was destroyed. I just wanted my life to end.
In September 1986, I met a man on what was called a "freindship line". Men would call this 800 number to connect with other men who wanted to have phonesex. You had the opportunity to either listen to a group of guys or go into private chatrooms. I ended up in a privte room with (I'll call him Mr. R). WOW, it was amazing. Afterwards, he wanted to talk further, so he gave me his phone number. I called and that led to an amzing adventure. I'll talk about it at another time.
I'd like to post more of what my life has been like. This blog is my way of expressing what I'm feeling and hope others can relate. If you've read all of this, Thank You".
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My HIVPlusMen
